Time marches on

Well, I'm on my way. This has been a very long trip to end up back where I started. I don't know what happened, the how, or the why...but it did. Adversity makes you the kind of person you really are. I just hope I can show my kids and all those around me see Jesus in me. Hate is a bitter thing. Anger is a hateful feeling. Neither of them are worth it beyond the initial "it makes me hate the world" phase.

Being at S.A.I.L. (Summer Adventures in Literature) is yet another learning experience. These things often remind me more of what a bad teacher I've been instead of the teacher I can become. I am excited about my schedule at CHS. I will be able to teach something other than intervention classes so that's cool.

My eyes are swollen and my brain hurts. Yet another day in the life.

In Psalms, the Bible says,
"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God."

So, yep, that's where my hope lies! And if you look closely at the picture there's a rainbow in that picture. God's promise to his people.

Rain Rain Rain

It's Raining! YAY! It's Raining! Bad for fireworks...

We went last night to see fireworks in a neighboring town. We came, we saw, we got wet.

Re: the last post, the birthday boy's actual birthday is the 4th of July.

Here's some of what we saw last night! Happy Birthday America!

Happy Birthday Sweet 16!

It was a hot summer day, 16 years ago. I was pregnant with my second baby. Seems like I'd been hot since about February. Neighbors were building a house and it was DRIVING ME CRAZY with all the hammering and so on. Yet, July is a good month for me, my sister and I have July birthdays.

To say I was ready to have this baby would be an understatement. I had a difficult pregnancy and it didn't seem to be getting any easier. This pregnancy began as twins and I lost one baby. I can't tell you the sadness I felt when I saw the sonogram with just one baby. Then on the other hand, I can't tell you how happy I was that that one baby was still there. I knew from the beginning this baby would be special. Satan had tried to destroy him from the start. But we knew God's hand was on him.

Into NFRMC Women's Center I went. I was going to have medicine to start labor. It did. "Wheel of Fortune" was on and I've never wanted to kill anyone as much as I wanted to see Pat Sajak stopped. Around 7:30 during a bathroom trip, my water broke. The doctor then decided I would stay. Well, DUH!! I was in bed, biding my time...I think I even took a nap. Bert was there with me, eating a WHOPPER. Sheesh. And yes, I had an epidural. I am a wimp, yes. I am proud to be a wimp when it comes to childbirth!!

The doctor checked me around 11:00 pm and said it would be morning before the baby was born. That followed him telling me what great hips I had to have this baby. Well, those of you who've HAD a baby know that you're not really in a great mood when your body is in huge amounts of pain...and if it's your second baby, in disbelief that you let yourself do this again. So I didn't know whether to thank him or throw up on him. I managed to tell him I thought it would be much sooner than morning. Sure enough, I was right. After a few good pushes (I have hard pregnancies and amazingly easy deliveries) we had our little boy. All beautiful, healthy, 20 inches, 7 lbs and 14 ounces of him. And his lungs. Where his big sister cried meekly and was so sweet, he was NOT happy to be here and even less pleased to have people poking all over him. He didn't just cry, he SCREAMED. For a long time. Loudly. He stopped about 4 months later.

His first word was "light." He has been a light in our lives ever since. He grew into an adorable little baby with big dark eyes and dark curly hair. His sister wasn't quite sure she was as pleased as we were that he was here. I think she finally got over that...about three years ago.

Jonathan wasn't much of a talker until he was about three. He called spoons ,"foons" and forks, "sorks." His cousins would do all sorts of tricks to hear him say "church." I don't know how to begin to spell that pronunciation! And, if you know Jonathan now, he won't STOP talking. He loved playing with hats and listening to music. There is a Carman song that I will probably never get out of my brain.

As he grew, he became so tenderhearted. He couldn't stand to hear about children who didn't have food or toys. He would cry when he knew someone else was in pain. His heart is still tender. He loves deeply and is passionate about the things he loves. He is passionate about the things he believes are wrong. He is like me in that he hates injustice. He hates to see people taken advantage of. He is outspoken and strong-willed...like me. Fortunately for him, he is also like his Dad in that he can be mellow when he needs to be. He looks so much like his dad. He told me once when he was little, "Mom, Dad and I are just cursed with being good looking."

So as my little boy turns 16, I have a lump in my throat. I am so blessed that he is loving, kind, caring, generous, smart, and yes...good looking. He has been the light in my life when lots of other things were dark. He is a joy to be around...and he makes me laugh.

If you are his friend, consider yourself blessed too. He will always be there for you. He won't talk about you behind your back...if he has something to say he'll tell you. If you need something and he can help, he will. He values you and your friendship.

Jonathan has his faults. A dirty room, hair too long, won't do his homework in a timely manner, forgets things unless you tell him over and over...and over, calls his sister names, eats junk right before meals, and many others I will remember next time he makes me mad.

From "Dark Wing Duck" to Darth Vader. From telling time with "Ch ch ch Chip and Dale" to tying shoes with bunny ears. Stitches to staples. From our talks about literature and human nature to conversations with Grandma. From the mountains to the beach...Happy Birthday my sweet boy. I love you.

Dum de dum dum dee dum...

Happy toes!

Happy girls!

Today was one of my favorite days. First, because hubby got paid! We're a one income family 'til August...so this means I get to have food to feed my children for another two weeks. :) Second, because I got to spend time with the lady who has been my best friend since we were 4 years old. Third, she has little girls that I adore. Fourth, three of my favorite Gators went in the TOP TEN of the NBA draft. Woot Woot!! And last but not least, because we went to the beach. (Friend and I, not the Gators and I.) Because she has children who are younger than mine, she claims this makes her younger than me. I completely refute that argument. She is, however; three MONTHS younger than me. Anywho...

Because school administrators and school boards operate on a schedule all their own, I learned YESTERDAY that I was to attend a two-week conference-y thing nearby. Well, if I wish to be paid for the aforementioned conference-y thing I have paperwork to submit. Summer = all offices and schools are closed on Friday. Today = THURSDAY. Next Board meeting for my pay to be approved next Tuesday. So my beach trip was delayed by a trip to my school, back to my home and to the district office. GRRRRR.

Finally got there. Hungry girls and hot sun. It was good to see them play. The little one came up with a new friend and said, "we found a plasic bag and a nine-year old." LOL...out of the mouths of babes. The little girl they "found" was just visiting our area and was happy to have playmates. We saw dolphins frolicking. They found hermit crabs and jellyfish. I found my beach chair and "A Passage to India." Life is good.

Our trip ended on a cloudy note. "Med a lee" , as I am known to the girls, isn't a big fan of Florida's thunderstorms. When I saw it moving towards us, I hinted...not so subtly...that all good things must come to an end.

We headed back home. During a torrential rain. YAY! Greeted by the sound of a soon to be 16 year old boy practicing drumrolls out in the shed. All is well and life really is good. Happy summer. More to come later.

Wow...it's been a while!

Unimaginable...it's been a busy time. I just got home from "Newberry's Backyard BBQ." They have near 'bout the best BBQ chicken anywhere around. It was a good ending to a long - but productive day. Started the morning with my favorite date (for the past 24 or so years!) went to my favorite bakery where they serve perhaps the best French pastries anywhere, drank my favorite coffee (Starbucks--yes, I am a corporate puppet). We then went leisurely WANDERING to pick BLUEBERRIES! Hurrah for Brad's Organic Blueberries! He's a post all on his own. :)

It was about 95 degrees but beautiful. The trees had been pretty well picked over but we still managed to get 3 lbs. At 2.50/lb. that was a steal. Even at WM (corporate puppet again) they were 2.48/PINT and that was on sale! Same reason I finally bought a Meyer Lemon tree...I HATE paying so much for fruits, herbs, and other produce. I never had a garden growing up but my grandparents, and their grandparents, and their..well, you get the point...did. I'm trying hard to learn about gardening and native plants. I'm mostly trying to learn how not to kill stuff. My great Grandma Quillen had a green thumb not to be believed. The smell of rich, fertile soil immediately takes me back to her yard with its beautiful roses and white half runner beans growing side by side. She was a native of Tennessee so you can imagine how much she LOVED being able to grow year round here in Florida. One of my worst memories from her yard though was eating a pepper I was told NOT to touch. I have no idea what it was I just know it was small, yellow, and HOT as Hades. I don't think I even put the pepper itself in my mouth, I just rubbed my hand over my lips. Man, I still feel that pain!

So now I'm off to get the berries in the freezer. Then off to bed with visions of blueberry muffins, blueberry - lemon tea cake, blueberry crepes, and blueberry tarts dancing in my head. Sweet dreams! :)

Some more SPRING!

Spring!

 

did I mention...

that I'm a past member of the NCTE (Nat'l Council of Teachers of English)? So, I get their newsletter. Lo and behold, checking my school email I see the new newsletter. Then, to my shock and further mortification, I see the Gville Sun article about me there. Linked to a blog. ALL of it in a very public arena. I know GOD has a purpose. I just wish I knew what it was. It just goes on and on...http://ncteinbox.blogspot.com/

Outside

I discovered Picasa! YAY!

and more...

Even though it's a bad day, I'm surrounded by beauty. My diploma, the back of my Mama's house, the dogwood tree, a lily, the redbud tree on a blue sky canvas.

so you had a bad day...

Yes, a bad day. A bad week. I am on administrative leave from my teaching job. I am heartbroken. But, I know that God is in control. "I don't know about tomorrow, there are things I don't understand, I don't worry over the future, but I know who holds my hand." Here's what I've spent my days doing... and the chocolate cake is actually amazingly delicious...the pic doesn't do it justice. : )

and today I became lunch

Now I know how that little duck really felt...

My teaching life...

I often wonder if I've chosen the right career. Sometimes I feel like this little duck...I'm there just checking things out, but in the back of my head I know I might be lunch.

Sometimes we fight for the wrong reasons

and people die.

It makes me sad when I think about injustice. Attending the festival in Olustee today brings up mixed feeling for me. I am proud to be a Southerner. I am proud to be a Floridian. I am not proud of the way African Americans have been treated here. I've felt this way all my life. It's just been an inherent feeling for me. It has always given me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. We are all SO much more alike than we are different.

I am a word person. I LOVE language. I love the way words sound. I love the way they feel in my mouth. I love to hear people with different accents speak. So then, when I see words in Latin or French or Spanish or English and compare the similarities between the words, it makes me wonder even more why we insist on being different. Sharing something as basic and necessary as language, the very way we communicate, should cause wonder. It should inspire kinship. Yet, even still today it causes us to fight for the wrong reasons. And people still die.

Friday night and warm friends...

I guess I love Friday nights. It's the end of a work week, my family is usually home, and it's amazingly relaxing. As the kids have gotten older, time spent at home is slowly decreasing. They have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, dances, jobs and so it goes. My daughter still wants to watch "Lion King" with us. That makes me happy. My son still tells me his stories. That too makes me happy. It's 35 degrees here now. My daughter made homemade bread. I live a blessed life.

Poems

OK, so pretty much poetry makes me happy. I was never much of a poetry fan until college. It is SUCH a release. I'm trying to make my little angels understand that...it's one area of English where there really, honestly are no wrong answers. They're supposed to recite a poem from memory on Wednesday. My Valentine's Day gift to them! :) So, my Valentines gift to you, a couple of mine. I hope you get to spend Valentine's Day with the ones you love. Enjoy!

Last Words
I wanted him to know I understand.
I tasted
the crabapple rage.
I smelled
the mocking isolation
Were God's eyes open to our heartbreak?
My emotions appear as
worn words
on serious white paper.
Yours spill out
in brash, splashy color
on stylish canvas.
Starry Night Vincent
Exquisite.
Wrapped in blue darkness,
the steeple closed its eyes.
God did too.
What eternity do we face?
You and I share a black-cum-gray world.
Players in a tragedy.
Your paintings of anguished release.
My muddled words
fill simply empty air.
We don't belong.
I am sorry for your fight with Gauguin.
I am sorry I missed the train.
I toil with the heaviness of the wheatfield
crows that terrify me.
Dr. Gachet thought you were doing well.
I made it to you Vincent.
If only you had held tighter
to those spiraling tress you painted at Saint-Remy.
I understand the sunflowers now.
They answered for us both.

Dripping a Valiant Death

You watch quietly.

Flickering light.

Billowing.

Flame like an old lady's fingers.

Fiery life's blood drips like tears.

How sad to feel

your body waning.

Each drop steals a bit more.

Scent of wildflowers settling

dim as twilight

Still as a sated lover.

coffee warm.

Flaming, but without malice.

Burning, but not destructive.

Silently knowing your benefit to me

is death to you.

whisper hot words

guide a young man's hands.

Dauntless now. Skin shed.

Your loftiest aspiration to serve.

Gallant light, breathe your last.

Wilt away.

MY Friday night lights

It's Friday night.
9:53
37 degrees
made it through the first week having my attack student back
new furniture (1st in 18 years!)
hot coffee
new magazines
Jimmy Stewart on the TV
hubby playing a video game
daughter out with a "friend"
little boys (son and bud) playing with fire in the back yard -
they are getting ready for the Medieval Faire
haven't talked to Mama all day (daughter did, she's fine)
candle glow
smells like peace (is that possible?)
cats all snuggled up and warm
my life is blessed
It's Friday night.